إشراق ورحيق الجنةneed help,please

[جلنار]

my lover

let me dance my body between your arms
let me lay on your lap and kiss your neck
hold my waist and twirling my body until trance
listen to the pulse of my heart it sing a song of love for you only for you
you deserve more and more and more

I need your comment and correct if have a mistakeIt is the first trying

 

 

[صفاء النفس]

لما الامر مقتصر على رحيق وإشراق فقط ألا يصلح غيرهما لذلك ؟ ههه
ما رأيك
let me dancing between your arm
let me laying on your lap and kiss your neck
hold my waist and twirling my body until trance
listen to the pulse of my heart it sing a song of love just for you and for you only
Because you deserve more , more and more
القصيدة رائعة وإلى الامام

 

 

[إشراق]

ما شاء الله يا جلنار

رائعة رائعة رائعة

my comments

اقتباس listen to the pulse of my heart it sings a song of love

صفاء النفس ما قصرت قامت بالمطلوب مع أني أرى بأن
لا داع لأن نضيف للفعل ing حينما نستخدم let's أو let me
كما أعتقد بوجود صيغة الجمع لـ arms وَ lips


جلنار .. صفاءالنفس .. سعدت كثيراً بوجودكما معنا .. فلا تحرمانا من تواصلكما

 

 

[رحيق الجنة]

let me dance between your arm
let me lay on your laps and kiss your neck
hold my waist and twirling my body until trance
listen to the pulse of my heart it sings a song of love just for you and for you only
Because you deserve more , more and more

Hey Golnar
Thanks alot and this is my comment